Tag Archives: Working mom blues

Catching up

20 Jul

Super lame. That is how I have been feeling about my blog (or lack thereof) lately. In an effort to try to curtail my rampant “I don’t give a rat’s ass” attitude, I’ve been trying to get/stay focused at work. Well, at least since the Casey Anthony trial has been over. Since I’m trying to make work something I actually DO instead of whine about, whenever something to blog about comes to mind, I say, “Oh, I’ll just remember that and write it this evening after the Hellion goes to bed.” Go ahead. Laugh all you want. Because we all know that NEVER happens. Most of the time I completely forget what it was I was going to blog about, or even the fact that I have a blog, amidst the craziness that is the 2 hours (maybe) between the time I get home and the Hellion is tucked in.

As if being a working mom wasn’t chaotic and exhausting enough, Hubby has been working out of town during the week for the past several weeks. I get all the fun of being a single mom during the week, with the added joy of doing the laundry for everyone on the weekend. By the time I get to that blessed quiet time after T has gone to bed, all I can usually manage is doing a little laundry or dishes and a half hour on the couch – tops – before I fall out. I might last as long as an hour if I’m catching up on True Blood or something else I really love to watch.

So that’s my lame excuse for my blog being super lame lately. I’m counting down the hours until I go on vacation. I’m hoping the time away will do my fried, burnt out brain some good. Any bets on how long that will last when I get back to my office, with its vanilla colored walls and stacks of depos and medical records? Or how many depo summaries in a row one person can do before they flip the flip out? (I might be nearing that number in the very near future.)

My current level of burnt-out-ness requires a deeper level of therapy than the occasional “mental health day”. This level requires a week of beach, pool, sun, and large amounts of adult beverages. A super cute cabana boy to wait on me hand and foot wouldn’t hurt, but I don’t suppose Hubby would be down with that. Instead I’ll be playing with my son in the sand, teaching him how to play putt-putt and seeing my husband for more than one day in a row before one of us has to dash off for some reason. Hopefully I will be a refreshed and ready to kick ass Momalegal when I get back!

Tales from neurotic, frazzled, working mommy land

6 Dec

Yet again, it’s Monday.   The day where I wake up before I want to, drag a kid out of bed before he wants to, make him get dressed even though he really, REALLY wants to wear his pajamas (the same set he’s worn the past 3 nights), we both leave the house even though we don’t want to at ALL, drag said kid into daycare even though he doesn’t want to, drive myself to work even though I don’t want to and then settle into my desk.  Is it any wonder I wake up on Monday mornings thinking, “Why am I doing this?”  Because income and the ability to pay my mortgage is good.  Also, for some demented reason, I really do like my job.  And in my post-child flabby condition, hooking on the corner is not an option.  Besides, I don’t like the cold.

I recently read a post, I think it was on the Spilled Milk blog by Law Momma, about working vs. stay at home moms.  Her mother was a stay at home, and therefore this mommy felt guilt about going to work.  My mom was always a working mother, and also (most of the time) a single mom.  It never occurred to me that I wouldn’t work.  In fact, I used to play “office” on my front porch with an old manual typewriter and some empty office supply boxes that I Mom brought home for me.  (Guess that should have been the first sign that I was warped.) 

Nevertheless, having the opposite upbringing, I still feel guilt over sending my little hellion to daycare while I work.  I know “Mommy Guilt” happens to everybody.  (At least I no longer have the urge to rush to his daycare to make sure it hasn’t exploded every time I hear a fire engine go by the office with sirens wailing.  Thank you, medication.)

Sometimes I feel guilty when I’m super happy to drop him off at daycare in the mornings because he is 3 and now opposed to everything I want him to do.  I won’t let him eat candy first thing in the morning or watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse for hours on end, so apparently I must be punished.  I should want to sit with him all day, reading books and playing Memory, or pushing him on his tricycle.  I do love doing all those things, but the silence of my office and the ability to have an adult conversation, complete with bad words and words I don’t have to spell, is awesome.  I love being able to think analytically about something other than how I can convince a 3 year old that wearing days old pajamas to school isn’t going to happen.  I love my career and always planned on working, which is why we only have one child.  Everybody handles things differently, but I don’t think I could work and do justice to more than one kid.   (Still, I worry about T not having a sibling.  See?  It’s a no-win.) 

I know stay at home moms have their own things to worry about and feel guilty over.  And the grass is always greener, right?  If I don’t feel guilty about enjoying my work, then I start thinking that maybe he would be potty trained by now if I stayed home.  Did I pick the right daycare?  Is he getting the right amount of stimulation?  Does he act up when I’m around because I’m not giving him enough attention? 

We all do the best we can, whether it’s having kids and a career or if being a mom is your career.  My son is loved and cared for, which is all that really matters.   When I pick him up from daycare, and he smiles and yells, “Mommy!”, then shows me the artwork he made that day, I’m good.   At least I know I’m not alone in the world of Mommy Guilt, second guesses, and frazzledness.   It’s probably the one thing all moms have in common. 

By the way, he tried to write his name all by himself for the first time this weekend!  It’s nearly legible, too.  LOL  We also we got our first “non screaming and/or crying” with Santa Claus picture! Yay!

Juggling

7 Oct

Juggling seems to be the theme of my life lately.  I know I am completely not alone in this feeling.  There are plenty of people, working moms and non-moms alike, who probably think, “Welcome to the frickin’ club!  You want a cookie or something?”  (And truthfully, I will never say no to a cookie.)  Anymore, it just seems like if I’m not juggling chores at home, I’m juggling cases at work, bouncing back and forth between working on my own cases and assisting our newbie paralegal get her feet under her, and juggling my own time of what I want to accomplish and what I need to accomplish.  Oh yeah, I also have a husband that I have to fit in there somewhere.  Just yesterday I was thinking that I am adding more to my plate with volunteering as the treasurer on the parent board for my son’s preschool and committing more of myself to my blog, when I have been whining all along that I never have enough time.  However, I felt a bit more energized and challenged; ready to tackle anything and everything.  Um, can you say temporary insanity?  Maybe it’s the permanent variety instead. 

Then reality comes crashing down, as usual.  I received an email from Boss A letting me know of a depo that was just scheduled and the need to have two very voluminous depositions summarized before then.  Which reminds me that I just got some additional medical records in this case which need to be organized, summarized and disseminated to the experts, then I must update my memo concerning records we still need.  And there’s a large stack of medical bills from the plaintiff in that case that are mocking me from the corner of my desk.

I have another stack of medical records received via authorization in another case that need to be logged, bates stamped and produced to other parties before also being organized, summarized and disseminated.  Never mind that we are quickly approaching a trial date on a case that I knew nothing about two months ago.  And a huge case that was in limbo is now back in action.  I think I’ll stop here before my brain implodes.

I’ve always performed better when I was challenged, but this is borderline ridiculous. What the hell is wrong with me?  I know I’m a masochist because, hello, I work in litigation and more specifically medical malpractice.  But I really do feel like I’ve gotten out of my rut mentally since taking on more.  Your Honor, I plead insanity. 

On the home front, T is beginning to show some little signs of being ready to use the potty.  Yay!  He told his teachers the other day that he wanted to wear his undies and did sit on the potty, but didn’t go.  He had 1 accident in his undies and was wearing another pair when I picked him up.  Since we were going out to dinner, and I am NOT brave enough to try public outings without vinyl covers or Pull-ups, he went back into a Pull-up when we got home.  But – at least he’s thinking about it.  On the way home last night, he said he wanted to go potty.  Unfortunately, it’s a long ride home and by the time we got there, he changed his mind.  But, again, he’s thinking about it!  Oh, and he’s turning into such a little BOY and not the sweet, cuddly toddler he used to be.  Yesterday, his toy dinosaur was eating a sweet little chick finger puppet from last Easter.  It used to be that his animal friends played together and raced monster trucks.  Now they are carnivorous.  *sigh* Another bittersweet reminder that my little guy is growing up.

Today…

23 Aug

the cashier at Party City called me “Gorgeous”. I’m pretty sure he was just being nice & hoping for repeat business, but I still enjoyed it!  Hey, these days, I take it where I can get it!     And that actually reminds me of something that happened when we were in the car on my birthday, coming back from dinner.  The best part of my birthday was when my son said, “Mommy,  you very pretty!”   That was the exact moment he completed the act of wrapping me around his little finger.  Just for the record.  (Also for the record, it began the moment I saw his dimples for the first time. Like 0.5 seconds after birth.)  That super sweet moment almost made me forget he told me I had a big butt the week before…almost. 

Besides trying to focus on work in the midst of planning a birthday party, and pretty much just trying to stay awake, I am thinking of changing T’s daycare.  The teachers have been great with him, and he’s learned so much, however the management has changed since the previous director retired this past Spring.  I loved his old director.  She was sweet, motherly and just all kinds of awesome.  She knew all of “her kids” in the school and sat at the front desk on a regular basis, chatting with parents all the time.  She always asked me how I was doing and genuinely cared about  my answer.   If she wanted to be BFF’s, I totally would!  And don’t even ask if I’d switch her out for my mom.  That wouldn’t even be a question.  The new management doesn’t know my son from Adam, and they recently pissed me off royally by lying to me about something that wouldn’t have been a big deal if they just said, I’m sorry, it was a mistake.  I’m unhappy with them, and it is not going away.

So now I’m faced with A)finding a new daycare that will still challenge him developmentally since he’s ahead of his age group, and B)how do I tell him that I’m uprooting him from a place he has been almost as much as his own home since he was 8 weeks old?  It’s the only daycare he has ever known, and he has friends there that he’s known, um, well, his entire short little life!  It will work out, but it’s just yet another thing makes it so complicated to balance work, child, husband, home and still leave a tiny sliver of time for me.   I feel like my brain is completely compartmentalized, like those cool bento boxes, except I have a hard time mixing the teriyaki veggies with the rice in the other compartment.  It’s hard to turn off the mommy part of my brain, and turn on the paralegal part, and vice versa. 

Now I’ve gotten all whiny and well….whiny, and that’s no fun at all!  On the up side, T’s monster truck birthday cake has been ordered, more people are coming that I expected, and I’m going to finalize the food order in a day or so.  I picked up the last of the paper products today.  Yay!  I love having something happy to focus!  (And it’s so much more interesting that work…..pheh.)