Tales from neurotic, frazzled, working mommy land

6 Dec

Yet again, it’s Monday.   The day where I wake up before I want to, drag a kid out of bed before he wants to, make him get dressed even though he really, REALLY wants to wear his pajamas (the same set he’s worn the past 3 nights), we both leave the house even though we don’t want to at ALL, drag said kid into daycare even though he doesn’t want to, drive myself to work even though I don’t want to and then settle into my desk.  Is it any wonder I wake up on Monday mornings thinking, “Why am I doing this?”  Because income and the ability to pay my mortgage is good.  Also, for some demented reason, I really do like my job.  And in my post-child flabby condition, hooking on the corner is not an option.  Besides, I don’t like the cold.

I recently read a post, I think it was on the Spilled Milk blog by Law Momma, about working vs. stay at home moms.  Her mother was a stay at home, and therefore this mommy felt guilt about going to work.  My mom was always a working mother, and also (most of the time) a single mom.  It never occurred to me that I wouldn’t work.  In fact, I used to play “office” on my front porch with an old manual typewriter and some empty office supply boxes that I Mom brought home for me.  (Guess that should have been the first sign that I was warped.) 

Nevertheless, having the opposite upbringing, I still feel guilt over sending my little hellion to daycare while I work.  I know “Mommy Guilt” happens to everybody.  (At least I no longer have the urge to rush to his daycare to make sure it hasn’t exploded every time I hear a fire engine go by the office with sirens wailing.  Thank you, medication.)

Sometimes I feel guilty when I’m super happy to drop him off at daycare in the mornings because he is 3 and now opposed to everything I want him to do.  I won’t let him eat candy first thing in the morning or watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse for hours on end, so apparently I must be punished.  I should want to sit with him all day, reading books and playing Memory, or pushing him on his tricycle.  I do love doing all those things, but the silence of my office and the ability to have an adult conversation, complete with bad words and words I don’t have to spell, is awesome.  I love being able to think analytically about something other than how I can convince a 3 year old that wearing days old pajamas to school isn’t going to happen.  I love my career and always planned on working, which is why we only have one child.  Everybody handles things differently, but I don’t think I could work and do justice to more than one kid.   (Still, I worry about T not having a sibling.  See?  It’s a no-win.) 

I know stay at home moms have their own things to worry about and feel guilty over.  And the grass is always greener, right?  If I don’t feel guilty about enjoying my work, then I start thinking that maybe he would be potty trained by now if I stayed home.  Did I pick the right daycare?  Is he getting the right amount of stimulation?  Does he act up when I’m around because I’m not giving him enough attention? 

We all do the best we can, whether it’s having kids and a career or if being a mom is your career.  My son is loved and cared for, which is all that really matters.   When I pick him up from daycare, and he smiles and yells, “Mommy!”, then shows me the artwork he made that day, I’m good.   At least I know I’m not alone in the world of Mommy Guilt, second guesses, and frazzledness.   It’s probably the one thing all moms have in common. 

By the way, he tried to write his name all by himself for the first time this weekend!  It’s nearly legible, too.  LOL  We also we got our first “non screaming and/or crying” with Santa Claus picture! Yay!

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6 Responses to “Tales from neurotic, frazzled, working mommy land”

  1. Cher December 7, 2010 at 10:46 am #

    Well, of course I have no (human) child, so who’s to say if I did that I would feel differently, but I’ve always thought sending kids to daycare is fine *IF* the daycare is reputable and teaches the kids as much as they can and *IF* time is spent at home with the child later. Too many parents dump the kid(s) at daycare and then bring them home only to dump them in front of the TV. That is never good. I think a child that grows up watching the parent(s) work instills a sense of responsibility in them and a good work ethic.

    And, there is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying time away from your child. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love them or don’t want to be around them anymore; it just means that you’re looking forward to some adult time. Yes, you’re a mommy now, but that doesn’t mean that the adult woman inside has to disappear completely. 😉

  2. Lori Robinett December 7, 2010 at 4:56 pm #

    I feel your pain – my daughter is now 15, and I still worry about how I’m raising her. Sometimes I wish I had more time with her, could be there to pick her up if she wants to stay after school for something (instead, the answer is no, unless she can find a ride). And I worry about the times I took her to work with me when daycare fell through or when she was sick, but my boss “needed” me to be at the office.

    Then again, I think I’ve done OK. I agree with cher – I think it’s good for our kids to see us have a good work ethic, and to see us take pride in what we do besides parenting.

  3. OldParalegal December 15, 2010 at 6:06 pm #

    I had 4 kids working full time as a paralegal, now ranging from 24-14. They all turned out fine (well, the oldest boy is a little iffy :)). They all know how to file, do certified mail, run the postage meter and copiers, sort medical records, and most important of all, the value of hard work. They wouldn’t know those things if I hadn’t worked. We all feel guilt. My stay at home sister feels guilty she doesn’t have money for things the kids want.

    • Momalegal December 17, 2010 at 2:22 pm #

      Wow, if I could teach my kid to sort medical records – look out! 🙂 I never thought of it that way before, but letting kids see the “other side” of mom and a good work ethic could be good.

      • Old Paralegal December 18, 2010 at 1:43 am #

        Yours might be a bit young for medical records. Maybe he could answer PH’s phone?

      • Momalegal December 18, 2010 at 4:08 pm #

        Yeah, that would be an interesting medical chart, huh? 😉 At least he’d be on about the same level as some of PH’s clients! LOL

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